My First Bridal Shoot

Hello! Today I will be talking about my first Bridal shoot ever. The images shared below were shot in 2009. There was a lot of Photoshop involved, but they are still some of my favorite. I will also be sharing some info about my personal life because there is no way to avoid it. My goal is to post a blog every week so there will bet more to come.

I graduated college in December of 2008, but lets go back a little further. I was born and raised in Mexico. I came to the U.S. when I was ten. I spoke no English. Moving here is the hardest thing I have ever done; I had culture shock. It took me about three years to learn English, but I didn’t feel completely comfortable with the language until I went to college. I had a few tough and amazing English teachers that taught me the ins and outs of English grammar; there was Mrs. Washington in middle school, and then Mrs. Walker and Mrs. Smith in high school. I’m not a perfect writer but I think I turned out alright. When I graduated college I didn’t have a greencarid, which meant I didn’t have a social security number, and I definitely couldn’t go and apply for a regular job. I had never worked. My mom always said my job was to go to school and do well, now here I was with a Bachelor's degree and no way to use it.

Now on to the second hardest thing I’ve had to do in life. After graduation, I worked as a waitress a couple days a week; my only pay was tips. I later went on to work at a cafe where I cooked, washed dishes, and cleaned, and later as a hostess at a Greek restaurant. At one point I was working seventy hours a week at minim wage. This was not what my mom (or I) had in mind when she put me through college. But anyway, lets get back to 2009. On my days home I focused on getting photography jobs, mainly portraits and quinceañeras or weddings. I didn’t have a portfolio other than my school portfolio, so I got to work on lining up models for shoots that would help attract clients. In comes my friend Liberty. Liby and I went to high school and even college together. She was always there for anything and everything. I didn’t drive until I was about twenty five. Liby gave me so many rides that I will forever be indebted to her. One of Liby’s close friends, Zulema, had recently gotten married and didn’t have any photos done. Liby asked her if she would be willing to pose for me. Zulema would have some bridal shots and I would have some bridal shots for my portfolio. It was a perfect trade.

On then day of our shoot, Liby came to pick me up and we headed to Zulema’s house. Zulema did her hair and makeup. We didn’t have a wedding dress or a veil, but she had a fitted chartreuse-like dress and a purply looking piece of sheer fabric we could use as a veil. I told her I would work with it in Photoshop. Zulema brought some white roses that we used as a bouquet. We headed out to a park and started shooting. I know we did some shots on the swing because that’s where one my favorite shots was captured, but I really can’t remember much more. I know I took shots at a weird angle because that was a thing I had seen other photographers do at that time but that’s as far as my memory goes. Once I got to editing there was a LOT of Photoshop. Mainly I worked on desaturating the color in the dress and veil. If you look at the images you can see the hints of color. Yes, I could go find the RAW files and edit them better with newer skills I’ve learned, but there’s something I love about the way they are. Looking at them I can feel the excitement of doing something new, of the potential of bettering my life, of being fresh out of college and having a world of possibilities. There is a very naive courage in them that I have lost. So many times I feel defeated before I even start something, or I overthink shoots. I don’t see any of that when I see these images.

I got my greencarid in 2011 and got a job as an administrative assistant working for a non-profit. My pay was abut $11.50 an hour which definitely beat the minimum wage of $7.25 I had been making. I was in a bad relationship under a lot of stress. Money was always an issue and would often disappear so I continued to do photography in my spare time; I did as much as I could to pay our bills. Late in 2011, my then husband decided he wanted to be in a relationship with someone else and freed me from the hell I would have continued to endure. I was young and naive and had been taught that you make things work; I would have stuck around and have no idea where I would be today. The next year I got laid off from my job in June and did whatever I could to stay afloat. By Halloween of 2012 I had been hired at Capital One and officially started the Monday after Thanksgiving. The pay was better than I had before, benefits were great, and the stability made me feel safe. It was at this time that I stepped back from photography. I was tired of hustling (because that is the best word I can find to describe the seventy hours a week plus the photo jobs I was working to stay alive).

I have taken some photography jobs over the years, but I’ve also turned a lot of them down; this was mainly because I associated photography with that stressful time in my life. Last year I realized how much I missed it and decided to jump back in. Becoming a mom made me realize that I need to do what makes me happy, that I want to be successful, and that I want my son to be proud of me and feel empowered to follow his dreams. Looking at Zulema’s photos I feel empowered in what I am capable of. Over the years and even recently, I often question myself during shoots, overthink my shots, or feel like I will fail before I begin. The young woman who shot these photos had none of that. I am excited for my next shoot. I am excited to combine everything I’ve learned over the years with the mentality I had almost ten years ago.

Thanks for reading and come back next week for more!

My Portrait Session Experience

Hi! I want to start my FIRST blog by sharing my experience having my portrait taken. As a photographer I am always behind the camera, but at the end of the day I am a regular person who wants to capture my family’s memories just like my clients. I want to share how badly I dropped the ball at my shoot and what I learned from it. You can see the photos below!

About two months ago, one of my favorite local photographers posted on instagram about sunrise sessions at the lake. She was looking for clients who would be interested, and the session would be discounted since it was something she wanted to do. I had been wanting to do family photos so I jumped at the opportunity and replied right away. Only my son, Charlie, and I would be able to make it. My significant other had to work that morning and there was no way he could take time off. I decided to go through with it anyway because as I stated before, I really wanted family photos. I figured we could do another session in the future with the three of us, and this would be a great opportunity to see how other photographers work. I had never had a photo session for myself, at least not since my high school senior session back in 2003. We had to reschedule due to rain, but it would still be only me and Charlie.

Our photographer was very helpful with picking outfits. I decided to go with a white dress I purchased earlier this year when I was in Mexico. It has beautiful detail and went perfectly with the summer theme I had in mind. I found a maxi dress in my closet for my second outfit and matching clothes for Charlie. As the day approached, I was more and more excited, so much so that I struggled to fall asleep sometimes! “I’m too excited to sleep!” We were to arrive at the location at 6:30 am. The day of our shoot I was up around 3:50am. I showered, styled my hair, did my makeup, finally woke up my son around 5am, fed him, packed him a snack, and off we went. We made it right on time. We drove to the designated area at the lake and started our shoot on some rocks by the water. My son was in a great mood and gave our photographer lots of smiles. We walked back to our cars so we could change to our second outfits; it was time for my white dress. We started the second part of our shoot right on the shoreline, we went barefoot, and got our toes in the water. I felt a little off, like my dress wasn’t falling the way it usually would but I figured I was being self conscious and kept on. We finished shooting and got back to our cars.

I took my time settling into the car and watched our photographer drive away. As soon as I started my car, I looked at my dress and it looked like something was on it. I was looking at the inseam of my dress; I had accidentally put it on inside out! My heart dropped and all I could think about is how the second half of my shoot was now wasted. I didn't know what to do. I let my photographer know once I got home, but it was too late; there wasn’t anything we could do at that point. I beat myself up repeatedly during the following two weeks as we waited for our photos to be ready. I felt like a failure. “How could I be so dumb? What a waste of time and money. The pictures are ruined. All the beautiful detail on the dress won’t show anymore.”

Two weeks later we got our digital files. The first outfit photos looked great. The second outfit photos made me cringe a little. The lighting was beautiful, the scenery was perfect, Charlie looked adorable, my dress however, looked awful. The dress is sown to flatter the body, but worn inside out it looked like a plain, unflattering white dress. Imagine wearing a full body bra inside out (definitely not okay). There are some shots that I’ll be able to print for the house, but the whole experience was tainted for me. I learned a lot from it. One, outfits make a huge impact! I will be more proactive and involved in my clients’ outfit ideas/decisions/questions. Two, I never want my clients to feel the way I did. I will now take extra precautions to show them what they look like when we start shooting to make sure everything is the way they want it to be. Things might look perfect to me, but how they feel about themselves is what matters. Three, I got to see another photographer at work. I made a mental note of directions she gave me for poses and plan on using some of them when I shoot. She was great!

I still feel a little sad and beat myself up when I see our photos. Even though they’re beautiful, all I can think about is how they could have been so much better had I worn my dress properly. Anytime something goes wrong in my life, I try to learn from it; otherwise, it seems like such a waste. I feel very vulnerable sharing my shots, but I want y’all to know that I know how you feel when/if we have a session. Thirty one out of thirty five files I received are below for you to view. I hope you enjoy my inside-out dress.

Photos by Ileana Sarai Photography